


Queen of the Mafia Trinity

by LadyReaper1992



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Scottish Actor RPF, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: 'taking care of business', (I'm a sucker for happy endings!), (kind of comedy of errors!), Alternate universe - Mafia, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Drunken Shenanigans, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Mobster stuff going on, Polyamory, Possessive Behavior, Romantic Comedy, aka: getting rid of people wanting to take their 'Queen' from them!, at least that's what I think is going on with the next bunch of chapters!, eventual poly-marriage, gunfighting, nothing too crazy!, polyamory marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:17:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyReaper1992/pseuds/LadyReaper1992
Summary: *I stand there, with a bewildered expression and a piece of paper*Me: What the faffing hell is this, Muse?Muse: the summary for the story, you know the one with that Mafia!AU prompt you put on there that a FEW Armitage fans wanted!?!?Me: I honestly thought they wouldn't comment on that one!!Muse: Just read it!!! You know that they want your ideas and creativity on the internet....*evil grin*Me: -.- That's because half the time I feel like you're on some sort of cracky drug trip because half the stuff that I dream of NEVER LEAVES MY HEAD!!! ugh....Anyway, here's the summary:Basically, what would happen one were to...have caught the attention of the Mafia, through a friend's very bad drunken act getting everyone captured and it ends up turning into the world's funniest game of 'cat and mouse', capture the flag, and.....'seek and destroy' combined!?!? WHAT THE ****?!?!Muse: sit back, relax, and enjoy the hilarious, and sexy, insanity that is Queen of the Mafia Trinity!! ;)Me: Muse....*sternly* you and I will have words later on....





	1. Intro to Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Now, for this chapter, there's going to be a mild depiction of Mafia torture on there, but when it comes to the Mafia/Mobsters and Torture, be prepared for any and all crazy stuff that goes down, but not human trafficking for the main boys, lords no!

Chapter 1: Intro to madness

My friends and I sat on the chairs in the abandoned warehouse, blindfolded and tied to the folding chairs, wondering what fate lied with us, shot to death in the dusty warehouse and fed to the fishes in the ocean, or made to serve their Trinity mafia, which had an extensive reach to many parts of the world. I felt my blindfold being taken off first before noticing the other blindfolds coming off my friends’ faces, I was kind of nervous about what was even going to start happening. “Rise and shine, kiddies!” I heard one voice greet as I looked to see a Lamborghini sitting there with three guys standing in different spots. “What is going on?” my British friend Cara asked as I noticed my male friend, Robert, or Robby pale at the sight of the guys and the car. “Well, ladies and gentlemen, we’ve brought you here in regards to this car…can you see what’s wrong with it?” one guy asked with a hilariously obvious Scottish accent. “Uh…..no?” I answered, befuddled with what was going on…and whether or not I was going to be dead by the time the day was out. “Not really.” My fellow American friend Karen answered as Robby was practically sweating. “Nope, not really in particular!” Robby ground out, pretty scared to death. “Rob….what the bloody blazes did you do?” his best friend Scott asked wondering why he was shaking badly in the seat to where I could hear rapid bumping on the floor, permeating through the otherwise empty warehouse. “Nothing wrong, eh?” I looked at the man, an admittedly gorgeous man with a regal nose who chimed in as he stood up and walked towards his companion. “It’s not what’s wrong outside the car…it’s inside…” The…pretty much scruffy in a sexy way Scottish man explained as he walked up towards Robby, who was panting. “I believe it’s….specifically the petrol tank…” another guy with a silky deep London accent…I think…answered as Robby was trembling at the sight of a gun barrel aimed at his face. 

Yeah…you guys are probably wondering what lead us to this mess, huh….basically what happened was that Robby and his ‘football hooligans’ went to a game somewhere in Liverpool and…things got a bit hectic after his team won, I was at home doing my writing stuff at the time, so a few days later, I get kidnapped along with my compadres and put in the warehouse were in right now! Karen is a magazine editor, Cara is a model for fashion magazines, myself, an author named Theresa Freeman, Robby, a sports blogger, and Scott, one of those people who work at a funeral home as someone to pretty much make the corpses look presentable for funerals and such. Now back to the current situation in hand with our lives…or Robby’s life, more like, hanging by a few flaying strings. 

“Gerard….be patient, my friend.” The Regal nosed tall, dark and handsome man put his hand on Gerard’s shoulder as the man kept the silencer barrel dead set on Robby’s forehead. “Patient? I’ve got to shed thousands of my money to fix it, Richard!” Gerard reminded the patient man as the tall and lanky guy from earlier walked up to them. “Boys, boys….Gerard, you can shoot him after we show them what exactly happened.” The guy offered as Gerard ultimately got the gun barrel away from his forehead. “Fine, we’ll do this your way, Tom.” Gerard, in a salty way conceded as Richard pulled up a TV screen with a DVD player hooked up to it as Gerard had his arms folded as the video was playing, and we were watching it, noticing a few minutes later Robby….opening the gas tank of the Lamborghini, wasted, mind you, and….proceeding to pee in the tank, much to our surprise, dismay and horror, not to mention Scott getting beyond pissed at Robby. “YOU PEED IN THE PETROL TANK OF THEIR CAR?!!?!?” Scott shouted angrily as Robby chuckled sheepishly. “I was tanking drunk, what more do you want?!” Robby asked, clearly scared of being killed by the most dangerous and lethal Mafia in the world, like ‘Wattpad Mafia men would piss their pants at the sight of them’ lethal and dangerous. “HOW ABOUT A WAY TO PREVENT US FROM BEING KILLED BECAUSE OF YOUR IDIOCY WHEN IT COMES TO DRINKING?!!?” Scott practically screamed as it rang throughout the warehouse. “Will you knock it the hell off, Scott?!!” I yelled as Scott clearly looked like he wanted to kill Robby himself. “Ok, so he peed in the gas tank….one will need to completely empty the tank, simple as that!” Karen was obviously trying to be positive about the situation. “Yeah, but one slight problem: considering how much he peed in the gas tank, it may be quite the pricey fix…and I’m barely strapped on cash as it is!” I chimed in as I was also nervous. “Shit….who was the car even for anyway?” Cara asked as she’d gotten her heels off, not that I can blame her. “Beats me!” Karen was as confused as we all were. “I’m very glad you asked that question, young lady…look to your right.” Richard informed us as all eyes…were on me now. “Wait…the car was for me?!” I asked incredulously. “Yes, it was for you, but thanks to your drunken football buddy here…it’s a wreck.” Gerard explained in a darkly calm demeanor before putting the gun back on Rob’s forehead as the man had yelled out in sheer panic. “Lucky!!” Cara whined a bit as I looked at everyone like ‘are you kidding me?!’ “WHY would I be lucky?! I don’t know those guys!!!” I exclaimed as Robby was being pulled to the center of the warehouse…which has equipment used for lifting and moving things as well as what looked like a trap door for the water below us. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!!” Scott shouted as Robby’s rope bonds were put on a hook before the trap door was opened mechanically, showing the murky Thames River waters underneath his feet as the chair was precariously hanging by a hook. “What are you doing!?!” I asked watching in sheer horror of what was happening. “So…here’s what’s going to happen: your friend is going to be going in the drink, weights and the like strapped to his feet, unless you guys have a ‘noble sacrifice’ for the three of us.” Richard had explained as he got the rubber gloves on before opening a briefcase with what looked like stuff out of those ‘Hostel’ torture porn movies as Robby was gagged as the screams of sheer fright were muffled. “So, if you all have….interesting offers for us, now would be a good time to say, otherwise your friend will be fish food.” Tom gently explained as Cara and Scott were terrified to say anything, and Karen was too busy trying not to piss her pants from fright….why do I always have to be the heroine, as much as I hate stuff involving the Mafia in general?? “Wait!!” I yelled out, having to pull out the sacrifice card to save my idiot drunken football hooligan friend from being another gruesome addition to the Thames River as they stopped for a moment. “Oh? It seems the object of our affections wishes to make an offer for us, this should be interesting.” Tom perked up, clearly interested in what I had to say as Rob had rapidly shaken his head no. “Are you mad?!” Cara shouted, frightened for my sake. “Firstly, I don’t know WHO you guys are aside from being a Trinity mafia that’s more dangerous than the people of Wattpad-land could cook up, but if you let my friend go, as big an idiot as he is, I’ll do anything that’s within reason!” I offered upfront and firmly as Karen looked at me like ‘wow….that took serious balls, huh?’ as they contemplated my offer. “Anything within reason….alright then…would ‘packing your things and moving in with us as our girlfriend’ be ‘within reason’?” Tom asked as I had balked at such a thing, I could tell that if I made the wrong move, Rob is food for the fishes!! “Are you kidding me right now!?” Cara asked incredulously before I heard a gunshot go off, hitting something metal. “You didn’t make your offer first, bonnie woman!” Gerard barked as the room was once again silent while I had to think of a way to get everyone out of this. “I’m very afraid to find out what happens if she backs out of this….” Karen muttered to herself as I started shaking. “If I went with you guys, you’d let him and the rest of my friends go?” I asked as Scott was trying to tell me to stop with what I was doing, while it was true that I really didn’t want to even associate with mafia stuff, my friends’ lives as well as my own are at stake here. 

“Hmm…..maybe….but firstly…” Tom had gotten a gas can of what looked like Gasoline and poured it all over Robby as the shouting got even more intense. “NO, DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T!!!!” Scott bellowed as Robby was yelling and crying whilst still being gagged before I saw Gerard light up a match. “Any last words, slash-wrecker?” he asked in a dangerously calm voice before he dropped it on the diesel fuel covered floor….but nothing had happened as the fire had instantly gone out like it was put in water as we were sitting there bewildered and even Richard looked perplexed. I started laughing hard, knowing exactly what was used, and that was Diesel fuel! I had seen on in ‘Vexed’ via Netflix in the first episode with the cheating grocery store corporate worker and his psychotic and angry girlfriend trying to set them both as well as a chauvinistic detective ablaze, but failed as the Diesel fuel hadn’t been hot enough to be ignited!* “What is so funny?!” Cara asked as I had tears coming out of my eyes. “It’s,” I had to take deep breaths to calm myself down before answering. “It’s Diesel fuel!!” I finally got it out before laughing harder than before. “WHO PACKED THE DIESEL INSTEAD OF THE PETROL!?!” Gerard demanded in outrage as the underbosses and thugs had paled at the revelation. “Wait, Diesel fuel can’t be ignited by a naked flame unless the fuel is hot enough for that!” Scott chuckled as he’d gone to University after graduating and took the chemistry classes. “Good luck changing the laws of chemistry, dingbats!” I crowed out before laughing harder than before as Robby was sitting there, very scared and confused…as well as covered in Diesel fuel from head to toe. ‘I do love a smart girl….’ Richard thought to himself as he discovered how intelligent she really was, even brighter than many would give credit for. “You kids stay put! Don’t think we’re finished with you bunch just yet!” Gerard barked out as they started leaving, more than likely to get some gasoline cans. As the cars were leaving, we sat there confused and wondering how to escape the place. “Oh, hell!” Scott abruptly shouted in annoyance as Cara turned to look at him, startled by the sudden yelling. “What?!” she asked annoyed that he startled her and everyone. “I need to have a piss!” Scott explained, blushing a tinge of red as I immediately knew what that meant. “You got to pee!?” I asked incredulously as he nodded vehemently. “Oh, for hell’s sakes!” Cara ground out as I was trying to get myself out of the bonds before I fell backwards along with the chair, pressing against my arms. 

“Ugh…why does that take me back to 10th grade civics class?” I asked myself, annoyed before I pressed my shoed feet against the legs of the chair and started to push it off so I could get out. It took a while, along with some ‘road rash’ from the metal, but I had at least gotten myself out of the chair as the rope had a knot that was hilariously easy to unravel as I had gotten up and stretched my arms out a bit. I heard Robby muffle a bit as he was trying to hop himself out of the chair, but as he did….he accidentally made the chair press the button for the trap door as he immediately fell below and got caught on the rope. “Oh, fucking hell…” Scott sighed before shaking his head as I went to go and save him. “Don’t move!” I yelled before I pulled him and the chair away from the open door and got the hook and bonds off as well as the gag. “I’m never fucking drinking again!” Rob declared, clearly traumatized by the events as he helped with getting everyone freed….as Scott used the hole in the floor as an impromptu toilet to pee in. “Rob….I owe you a soft drink for this!” he sighed in relief, happily pointing at a confused Robby. “For what? Accidental luck considering that my drunken act could have gotten us all killed!?” he asked incredulously as Scott looked at him like ‘what do you think the damned answer is, Sherlock?!’ as we all stretched our arms out, relieved to at least be out of this mess. “Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I really don’t want to stick around when they come back with the gasoline in hand!” Karen reminded us as we started for the outside of the warehouse as Scott was zipping himself up. “Hold on! Surely we can’t leave this gorgeous present for Theresa here, can we?” Scott looked at, apparently, my car like it was some sort of sexy goddess. “Hello, it’s got pee in it, so it’s not going to be able to start!” Karen reminded him as Rob started looking through the warehouse for some gasoline. “What the clod-sucking bottom are you doing, Rob?” Cara asked exasperated. “Considering that this warehouse may have been somewhere along the lines of an old automobile warehouse, there’s got to be petrol cans somewhere!” he explained as I was looking outside, making sure that no one was there. “It’d have to be completely emptied out before putting the bloody petrol in the tank!” Scott reminded him as we had to work desperately on finding a way to get the gas out of the tank before refilling it with any gasoline that’s not watered down. We heard horns honking as we scrambled to find somewhere to hide, fearing that it’s those mafia guys from earlier. We hid behind a bunch of barrels and the like as the cars pulled up to the warehouse as we heard voices come out of the cars, and we inwardly prayed that it wasn’t them. 

“Did you…..where are they?” Richard asked as he was quite pleasantly surprised by what they saw, chairs overturned, the trap door opened and the ropes and chains on the floor. “Don’t just stand there, find them!!” Richard bellowed out as Gerard barked orders to search the entire warehouse for their missing captives. 

“Oh, god….it’s them again.” Cara quietly muttered so that they wouldn’t hear them as they kept themselves at bay from the angry mafia men as Cara leaned up against the door enough for it to swing open with a squeak as she was on the ledge of the metal platform leading to the waters below. “Cara, you’re a genius!” Scott whisper-shouted as he kissed her on the lips, much to everyone’s dismay. “Uh….any time?” she asked clearly stunned by his kiss as he winced at what he did, thinking she’ll probably bop him in the face. “We’ll discuss matters of the heart after we escape with what’s left of our sanity intact!” Rob had stressed before they snuck away. “What’s that noise, check the back of the building, now!” Gerard ordered as many underlings scrambled for the back of the warehouse. 

The group had gotten towards the bushes…as a ‘ppft!!’ had stopped them abruptly. “Who the bloody hell did that!?” Cara whisper-yelled as she covered her nose from the foul smell. “Sorry….I shouldn’t have eaten that salad earlier, huh?” Karen admitted sheepishly as an even louder fart threatened to expose them all. “What the he—was that you, Colin?!” one underboss covered his nose as the other guy wildly said it wasn’t him before it ultimately escalated into a crazy free-for-all. “I never thought a loud fart would save us all….” Rob was even surprised himself to say that as the bunch started off from the warehouse, hoping to find a phone or a subway, or tube tunnel to get on a train back to London.


	2. Capturing the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...they've escaped for now...but why do you think the title of this chapter is called 'capturing the Queen'?

As we all had started for….well, anywhere that wasn’t near the warehouse as a fight was still going on, we realized that we needed to use the bathroom badly….and we were starving. “I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m so damned hungry I could eat the fucking Green Giant himself….” Rob complained as our stomachs were rumbling from hunger. “Well, we didn’t bring any money for eating and I have my subway pass with me!” Karen complained as we were reaching a crowded street along the docks of the English Channel outside London. “Well….,” I pulled out my stringed wallet from my pocket and shook it a bit, “I have plenty of money to spare.” I reminded everyone as they breathed a big sigh of relief before we kept going, hoping to reach a restaurant or a pub with a phone to call the police or a friend to get us picked up quickly. 

We reached what looked like a pedestrian intersection of highway before noticing a double-decker bus driving along the place. “Maybe we could take the coach back to London?” Rob offered as we came along a coach stop before the next one pulled up, and we got up, bus passes in hand, because we’d had those for some time, and waited for it to start for London as we took our seats. “At this point, I want to go home and stuff my face, weight be damned…” Cara sounded exhausted as she said that before we nodded in agreement. “Could use a bloody fish and chips right about now…” Scott sighed as he too was exhausted. “I need a nap…” I huffed out in exhaustion as the coach reached the London streets, seeing Buckingham Palace and Big Ben all the while. We eventually got off at Piccadilly Circus before browsing about the shops and seeing what looked to be a food court, seeing a McDonald’s in the distance. “Fuck it, we’re having McDonald’s!” Karen declared as we started walking to the place, being careful of the traffic. We got to the sidewalk as I heard Cara grunt and groan before clutching onto Scott for dear life and getting her one heel off. “Oh, bloody hell! My shoe broke!” Cara complained before Scott immediately swept her off her feet, causing her to squeal and hold onto him. “I’m not letting a woman as beautiful as you suffer from this atrocity!” Scott declared, earning a few dirty looks as well as snickering from a few people before hearing an middle-aged woman go ‘why couldn’t you be like that man back there!?’

“Ok, this is more embarrassing and painful than a broken shoe heel.” Cara declared, burying her face in his shoulder as we went to find a department store first for her to get some new shoes. “Hmm….we could try out John Lewis…but the nearest store is somewhere in Oxford….” Karen offered, but remembered that it’d take us a while longer just to get there. “What about Harrod’s?” Cara offered as we were approaching the store in question. “We could try there, the shoes there are ridiculously expensive even when it’s on sale though!” I winced, understandable considering what’s happened today, before we headed inside the place. We went to the shoes where the sneakers there were expensive, and the cheapest sneakers were 140$ in US currency from my understanding. “The most expensive they have is Giuseppe Zanotti, they go for….” Karen looked for a price tag and gawked visibly before gathering herself, “1,300 dollars!? That’s the cost of rent money back in the US if you’re living in New York!” she exclaimed before putting the shoes back. “It’s the same thing for Roger Vivier and Gucci, except they’re 1,325-1400!!” I exclaimed from a distance before I picked up the cheap purple Carvela sneakers. “How about these, they’re 141$!!” before getting to Cara and Scott as she had the heels off and sat on the bench. “Those are perfect, and they look so cute!” She said jovially before she put on the shoes before I did the ‘thumb’ test on where her big toe was to see if there was any room in her shoe. “They’re good, how do they feel?” I asked, standing back up as she started to walk in her usual model manner. “They feel amazing, nice find!” she exclaimed before we high-fived each other as she paid for the sneakers before she put the heels in the shoe box, which in turn was put in a bag before we started off for the nearest restaurant to eat.  
“Ok, we need a plan of action here: what if they find out where we are?” Rob asked as we stopped, not thinking about that part for the moment. “Oh, damn, we didn’t even think about that.” I winced, knowing that we needed to come up with a plan for that. “Hello, we have to bloody pee!!” Scott reminded us as we spotted a restroom along the electronics section and went and did our business. “I’d absolutely hate it if we have to dodge those three guys!” Karen whined as she was in the stall next to me on my right. “They’d have to be completely mental to get in the girl’s loo to find us, Karen!” Cara reminded us as she was in the stall to my left. “She’s got a point there!” I seconded as I finished by business before flushing the toilet, grabbing my wallet and washing my hands at the sink. “Though….they can get in the men’s bathroom.” I added before wiping my hands with paper towels. I heard Cara curse under her breath before the toilet flushed and she snagged up her bag before washing her hands as well before Karen came out and washed her hands. “I hope they’re not going to find us in this place.” Karen muttered before drying her hands. “Are you joking, who’d want to go to Harrod’s just to find a bunch of people, anyway?” I asked before we waited outside the bathrooms for the guys to come out of there. We were standing there for a few minutes before we heard Rob and Scott come out, holding their breaths at first before releasing it in relief. “What happened with you two?” I asked as they were taking in deep breaths like they were coming out of a marathon. “I don’t know what that chap ate, but it HATES HIM!” Rob huffed out, waving a hand under his nose before Cara rolled her eyes, laughing as we made our way out of the store to find somewhere to eat as it was getting to 5: 55 in the afternoon as dusk was approaching. 

As we’d gotten to a crosswalk, we heard tires squealing behind us before a few shouts and yells were heard and it drove off seconds later. “Ugh, god people don’t know how to drive for shit…” Karen grumbled as we got across and towards the McDonald’s….but I felt like something was wrong. “Uh, guys…I feel like we’re missing someone….” I looked around to see if anyone was missing. “Guys….where’s Rob?” I asked as Karen, Scott and Cara stopped in their tracks and looked at me. “Rob?!” I yelled looking around at the crowds for him as they also started doing it. ‘This….not good whatsoever!’ I thought to myself as we kept looking for him, thinking that he’d gotten lost from losing track of us. 

Meanwhile…. (Third Person POV) 

Rob had a bag over his face, as he was panicking at the possibility of having been found by the massive Trinity gang, run by three godfathers who he knew were after him: Richard Armitage, the brains, Tom Hiddleston, the snake charmer negotiator, and Gerard Butler, the hotheaded manpower resources man. He felt the SUV he was riding in stop at the gate as he heard the goons talking with the intercom before they were let in and the car stopped before he was pulled out and tied to a chair, with a gag put in his mouth as he was led to what looked like a living room with marble flooring before he heard the footsteps leave before he heard calm and slow steps approaching him, and when he felt the bag that was on his head being swiped off his head, it took him a moment to realize that the Trinity godfathers had found where they were, and caught only him. “Did you miss us, Robert?” Gerard asked in a sarcastically sweet way as Rob had paled at the three of them, yells and muffled screams ringing in the room. “I believe he did….I think he’ll be the bait to bring our Queen to us, wouldn’t you think?” Richard offered as Rob screamed behind the gag angrily. “I think you’re right there, my friend!” Tom jovially agreed before Gerard called up a few of his people to make sure they were on standby near Piccadilly Circus in case Theresa was to be brought to the house either by force or willingly. 

Back in Piccadilly Circus…. (Theresa POV)  
“I can’t find him anywhere, he’s not even oogling at the mannequins from one of the boutiques!!” Karen exclaimed as we’d gotten back to the Eros fountain, frantic and exhausted, not to mention starving! “Wait…there was that sound of screeching tires, right?!” I asked as Cara’s eyes widened in realization as we all came to the same conclusion. “THE TRINITY MAFIA!!!” we shouted as Scott was practically tearing his hair out at the revelation that those guys from earlier got to him. “They must have been following us or tracking us since we escaped from that warehouse earlier!” Karen surmised perfectly as she sat on the bench near the fountain, trying to keep calm, we all were terrified for Rob, sure his drunken shenanigans got us into this mess to begin with, but he was like that spontaneous brother with a side of youthful stupidity despite being in his mid-30s!! 

“And they all want me!” I was trying not to panic from the sheer horror of what may be happening with the poor soccer/football fan right now! “Ok, let’s just stay as calm as possible! We need to think of a plan to get him out…” Karen sat on the bench next to Cara before my cell phone went off, with it being one of the songs from ‘Kingdom Hearts II’, and I knew that it had to be them as it was a private number, so I answered the phone, much to the anticipation of the others as the streetlights started coming on. “Hello?” I greeted, trying not to let nervousness crack my voice as I heard an almost dark chuckle. “Hello, beautiful…did you miss us?” Gerard asked almost trying to seduce me. “Not particularly….you have my friend Rob, don’t you?” I asked getting straight to the point of the conversation. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do…I think we know where this is going, do we not?” he asked as I flushed, knowing what that is. “You may ‘claim’ that I’m your ‘Mafia Queen’, let me tell you something, asshole: I’m not the easiest person in the world to win one’s love from, and though I’d rather jump off a cliff than get involved with any mafia horseshit, I don’t want my friend to get hurt.” I informed him almost bluntly as I could tell he was pondering over my words. “Ok…so here’s how it goes: you are going to get inside that black Rover, alone, mind you….and it will get you to where we live…or should I say where you will live if you choose to hand yourself over to us, you have no choice in the matter…which will you give up, your friend, or your heart?” he asked as I looked at everyone as they too were nervous….damn them for making this difficult, I don’t want to give up my heart to a bunch of strangers, but I don’t want Rob dead because of something I could have prevented. 

“Fine, you fucking win…..I’ll go and live with you assholes…but you bear this in mind…I’m not bashful to kick you where it hurts, so don’t think of any ‘mind-fuckery’ tactics to make me give up more than I’m ready to, particularly, my v-card….yes, I’m a virgin, sue me, but I don’t give up stuff like my hand in marriage or anything like that lightly.” I informed him in an almost harsh manner, yes, it would have gotten me killed, but this is one of my friends, my four friends who helped me get comfortable in London when I first fucking moved there!!! I heard him laugh over the phone, obviously impressed. “We like someone with stubbornness and fire to their personalities, I won’t hold that back…and I think you made a very wise decision indeed.” He complimented before he hung up the phone as I looked at Cara, Karen and Scott. “You have major nerves of fucking steel.” Scott hugged me tightly as the car pulled up to the curb with two goons coming out. “Guess this is it then…” I felt my voice crack as if it were the last time I saw them again before the two girls hugged me back before letting go, as I went inside the SUV-looking thing and it started driving off to the house. 

We got there as I noticed Rob was outside with a bunch of guards as after I got out, I exchanged a bit of a sad look with him before I went inside as I heard Rob being put in the car…..holy hell, the place was gaudy! “What the faffery is this!?! It looks like something I’d find at my grandparent’s house if they owned something that hadn’t been updated since the times of Queen Victoria!” I exclaimed as I heard a few snickers…and help me, I saw something that….well, I shouldn’t even be surprised in terms of Greco-Roman sculptures being butt ass naked! It looked like the statue of one of the gods just standing there like they’re waiting for a bus to come….or a prostitute from how long this….’sword’ was. “Ooh…you sir need to get laid…just not by Zeus, please not by Zeus or Hera will come and make your life miserable.” I commented before walking towards what looked like paintings….some depicting couples…in star-crossed relationships. I stumbled into a room that….I’d like to think was a kitchen, but looked more like one of those bar areas, so I kept going…until I walked up a spiral staircase and saw a door with my name on it (creepazoid stalkers!), and when I opened the door….I felt like I got dumbfounded by how it was just so….like what would happen if Picasso and Dali had gotten drunk with absinthe and painted the room with neutral and other types of colors in there. “Gah!!! Holy…oh, is how I’m meant to live, in a room that looks like the nightmare of an abstract and surrealist painter!?” I asked myself as I quickly got out of there….never had I been so terrified of being in my own bedroom or a room that had my name on the door! But I saw something on the bottom that was obviously covered in something, I lifted it up…and it turns out, this wasn’t my room…this was my newest office. “I don’t know if I should be more afraid or relieved by that revelation.” I sighed, wondering if this was going to turn into more of a nightmare that I wouldn’t want to subject my mother to or something that was more pleasant.

I went to a room with my name and the word ‘Bedroom’. “Oh, dear gods….please let this not be a hideous looking room…” I whimpered warily as I slowly opened it….and saw that it was a red, grey, black and white room, with what looked like black, red and grey leaves and flowers, specifically roses, on the pillowcases and the comforter itself. “Oh! I like this, it looks ni---WAAAHH!!!” I started complimenting the room, until I looked at the ceiling, and I yelled upon seeing that it was a zoomed in picture of those three guys from the warehouse….half-dressed with open shirts. “Oh…..whooooohhh……that’s not really what I want to see when I go to sleep and wake up in the morning…..hot as fuck as it is.” I tried to get my bearings before thinking about what paint I could use to cover it up at some point. “Hmm…maybe white paint could do….” I started thinking of ideas before I heard a knock on the door, and it didn’t take a genius to know who it was exactly. “Oh, great, the hunk trinity is here,” I remarked sarcastically as I saw Richard walk in first, wearing a smirk as he heard what I said. “You flatter the three of us.” Tom added as he sat on the bed. “Says the guy who threatened to basically turn my friend into a Christmas ham if I didn’t go to this gaudy and outdated house.” I sniped back, they may have me, but I wasn’t going to let them knock down any of my pillars. “That’s a bit cold, isn’t it?” Gerard asked, putting a hand over his heart. “As for the ‘mishap’ in the warehouse…it was my idea…to see if you were to somehow pay attention.” Richard remarked as I looked at him like ‘what?’ “Need I remind you that I wasn’t consulted?” Gerard grumbled, folding his arms as Tom went to simmer the man down. “Wait….so you covered my friend in diesel fuel and tried to set him on fire to see if I knew about chemistry?!” I asked as Richard simply grinned. “I’m starting to think the ‘Joker’ from Batman may get along swimmingly with you guys….” I deadpanned as I grimace at the ceiling. “No, but I think you’d like to be more acquainted in our bed one of these days.” Tom purred before I coughed hard, as I nearly choked on my spit in surprise. “Goolly!!! Perve!!” I taunted as I went to go get a drink of water. ‘This is going to be the longest, most aggravating time of my life…and it’s all thanks to those idiots…..those sexy…’ I stopped my thoughts almost immediately before I drank my water and contemplated my life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yet another chapter of this crazy story unfolds, hopefully you guys liked it...it kind of looks like crap, and I apologize for that!


	3. adapting to new…and ugly surroundings, and getting some new….’toys’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, after one day of being in her new house, our heroine starts changing up a few rooms in the place to more or less, fit her....but as one 'questionable' dream goes on, she not only sets out to get some paint....but 'toys' as well...

So, after all that craziness, it was time for dinner…I didn’t even ask, I just at this point was like ‘whatever’….until I looked in the kitchen, and it was one of those stainless steel appliances….which I didn’t particularly like. ‘Seriously!? Stainless steel, what is this, a restaurant or a HOUSE?!’ I thought to myself, completely exasperated as I went to the….ahem, ‘dining room’, which looked a bit like something I would see in ‘Beauty and the Beast’, only I’m waiting on talking candelabras and clocks to start singing ‘be our guest’….maybe I better take a break from Disney for a while. I sat far away from those guys, just wanting to eat something and then go watch TV somewhere. “Such a shame she doesn’t want to sit with our…gorgeous selves.” Tom commented feigning a pout as I just looked at them with a ‘resting bitch’ face before I put my food on my plate, Macaroni and cheese, an ounce…or two of London broil, and some carrots! “A shame indeed….” Richard seconded before he looked at me….seductively? ‘OH, YOU BASTARDS!!! I see through that little stunt of yours, you’re trying to trick me into sitting with you guys!’ “Nice try, asshats, I’m not falling for that Jedi mind trick.” I deadpanned before putting a piece of London broil in my mouth as a few of their goons were holding back laughter. “Guess you guys have a bit more work to do with this one!” I heard an Irishman guffaw out before Richard gave the man such a scary glare which didn’t cease any laughter from him. I quickly finished eating before I remembered that I needed to work on my writing stuff…so as soon as I get into my ‘Picasso-Dali drunken painting session’ office, I noticed that my flash drive from college was on there…though my lease from the apartment was expiring anyway, and I hated that place because of neighbors who went at each other more than rabbits and that utilities were crap at times! I started working on my story, as it was to be an adventure-romantic-suspense novel about a photographer in the jungle who hires a mercenary….I started to look for and inspiration for the mercenary in question…and found it on ‘Tall, Dark and gorgeous smile’s’ picture on the wall. ‘You, sir are my official muse….” I commented before I plugged my flash drive in and got started on the book in question. I put on the perfect album on my Spotify to help me get in the mood: ‘Tribal Jungle’ by the Fiechter brothers, now those guys could make good music, well, other than Adrian Von Ziegler, of course!

(The Book writing!)

They trekked through the humid jungles, with Hannah taking photographs of the various plants, animals and insects that populated the dense forests of this African Congo rainforest, Jason frankly had found the woman to be quite the eccentric type, but something about her drew him to her like a moth to a shining light, he didn’t think it like that at first when they’d first met, to him it was naught more than a simple protection job that promised him a big paycheck so he’d go back to living a regular existence, he heard her giggle, which to him sounded like sweet music playing as he turned around and noticed that, strangely enough, a group of baby jaguar cubs were circling around her, playfully messing with her equipment before one started climbing on her. He was bewildered by the sight, he’d not seen any of those jaguar cubs coming out, another trait he admired about cats: they could be stealthy and unseen if they wanted. But suddenly, a gun had shot off into the sky, causing the birds to fly in the sky in great alarm before the cubs had escaped back to their mother. “What was that?” Hannah asked warily as she slowly got up from the ground, wincing as her legs nearly had gone to sleep from kneeling on the ground for a certain period of time. 

(End of Book Writing!)

It had gotten to about 12:30 in the morning as I heard the jungle music playing before I saved the document and turned everything off before heading back to my room, wondering all the while if this would be somewhat worth it in the end. But I think priority one was ‘get the drunken artistry room sober’ as it was distracting me horribly from even doing the work! I got in my new bed room, changed into my pajamas and hopped into the bed, hoping for a new start in the morning as it hopefully won’t consist of me having to dodge the advances of these guys for too long. 

But as time had worn on, I started having dreams of someone tearing my clothes off and ‘bouncing me’ in more ways than I think Karma Sutra would have in their books about positions as I heard three voices telling me how ‘amazing I felt’, when I woke up, I sprung up awake from the bed, and I went to research what this crazy wet dream was all about…normally I dream of travelling to different places, but this is a new one for even me!! I went to turn my computer on, still kind of staggering from a combination of my dream and a bedsheet that my body would need to adjust to as I went to google and looked up ‘dreams about sex and its interpretation’ to see what it was all about. So, I looked at this website called ‘dreamscloud.com’ and found some interesting stuff about why I could be dreaming of sex with those three right now: 

“What do dreams about sex mean?

Since sex is so prevalent in our society, not to mention necessary for our survival as a species, it is no wonder that we dream of having sex. As with any dream symbol, what sex means to you in your dream will depend on your feelings about sex and your experience as a sexual being.  
Interpretations of sexual dreams

In many cases, dreaming of sex isn’t really about sex. From a psychological perspective, dreams about having sex may symbolize the merging of contrasting aspects of yourself or a need to incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into yourself. Consider your dream partner and what it is that you admire or love about them for an idea of what you are trying to merge into yourself.

In some instances it may be a safe way to release pent up or repressed sexual desire; you may be exploring your own needs and desires; or it may be compensating for a lack of having a physical relationship in waking life. It may also be suggestive of a need for emotional love or desire to be loved and wanted.

Sexual partners in dreams

Dreaming of sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other or with a fantasy lover may be wish fulfillment. Alternately, if you spend a lot of time having or thinking about sex in waking life, it may be a continuation of your waking life thoughts and actions.

Sleeping with your ex may be an indication that you are coming to terms with and accepting the end of the relationship; or that you have learned from the experience and you are incorporating what you learned into yourself. Your ex may also be representing a new relationship, perhaps as a warning that you don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. If you are still in love with your ex, then dreams about having sex with your ex may be wish fulfillment.

To have sex with a stranger may symbolize a new you that is emerging due to changes you are going through. The stranger may also indicate you are open to a change or a new opportunity that is underway.” 

“Huh….So…I could be wishing for some sort of fantasy man because of a lack of a relationship and a repressed desire to be loved and wanted….” I summarized as I looked into the whole thing, wondering if the dreams that I had gotten last night were about new changes coming my way because of my circumstances…and in terms of *ahem* ‘releasing’ my desires, I wonder if sex dreams weren’t going to do for long, and gods in the heavens above forbid if I have to play ‘Mission: Impossible: sex toy extraction edition’, hoping that they don’t see what I’m sneaking in or ordering from the web…or even snag up from an ‘adult toy store’. “Oh, gods…ok, just relax….they’re hopefully out and about with doing mafia stuff so all you got to do is go get some paint stuff and then just head to the adult toy store, get what you need and get back to the house, no frills or chills about.” I lectured myself to try and get motivated for the sake of trying to get through the day….without any embarrassments from anyone who would see….I would absolutely die if those three guys saw my ‘other purchases’ besides paint, but I needed to put that to rest as I needed to find someone to give me a ride there, but I remembered that Lamborghini from earlier yesterday that was ‘my present’, but I was a bit too scared to try it, but I shook those thoughts away as I got dressed, snagged up my wallet and shoes before I went to my newly repaired present and started out with baby steps to get the hang of driving this thing before I was out of the garage, out the gate and off to the painting store to get some stuff for the ‘renovation’ of both rooms before….geeuughh…..going to the ‘adult toy store’ to find hopefully a bullet vibrator or something…maybe massaging gloves could do. I drove along the streets and meadows, relying on my GPS system set on the nearest hardware or ‘ironmongery’ store to find some paint supplies to help with my quest. 

I got to the store in question, parked the car and headed inside to find some white, red, grey and black paint and the like. As I started doing this, I heard my phone go off, and it was of course Cara wondering how I was holding up.

Cara: where are you?! I hope you’re not hurt!!! 

Me: Calm down, I’m fine…I’m just at the ironmonger’s shop trying to find some paint…apparently my new office looks like the drunken painting session of Picasso and Dali!

Cara: whew!! You’re fine….and apparently getting some stuff…what else besides paint are you getting?

I was super embarrassed at first, until I put down the emoji’s for ‘sex toy’ and I had gotten a text back from her.

Cara: wow! Not even a day of arriving there and already you’re crushing badly on them! XD But seriously, I am happy that you’re alright all the same.

I had gotten the paint supplies and paid for it before texting her back, but I dreaded having to go to that store, but if I wanted to….get this problem of mine settled, then I had to take some measures to combat this! So, I’d gotten my paint supplies into the trunk before driving to the nearest ‘adult toy store’ to find something that would help me out with my ‘problem’. I parked and shyly trudged in there to see if I could find a vibrator at least….along with maybe some lube. I stepped inside and noticed lots of different stuff, thankfully I had cash with me, I avoided the dildos as I wasn’t that comfortable with those….If I was going to start somewhere, be it level 0…or level 1. I had gotten one of those little bullet vibrators with a tokidoki x lovehoney ace logo on it in a size that was maybe for….5-7 inches long as I noticed rabbit vibrators. “Definitely not ready for those yet…” I muttered to myself before I found some vibrating sex massage gloves and arousal lubricant before paying for it with cash and they were in a black bag for discretion purposes before I quickly got out of the store and chucked the black bag in with the paint stuff and drove back to the house as it had gotten to maybe 11:30 in the morning before I got the stuff out and carefully hid the black sex toy bag in my underwear drawer, because who’d want to look there for something, eh? “Whoo….ok, so far so good…..” I said to myself before firstly getting started with the bedroom, covering the furniture and the like in a tarp before taping it so that paint wouldn’t get on it, put on ‘Death of a Bachelor’ by Panic! At the disco on my Spotify app on my cellphone, and got enough white paint gathered on the paint roller to start painting over that unwanted portrait that took over the bedroom ceiling as I started singing along with the song as I started firstly covering up the open shirts and the seductive looks on their faces before continuously covering the ceiling with the white paint as ‘Crazy=genius’ came on and belted out those lyrics as I kept painting up the ceiling until the ceiling was completely covered. “That ought to do it!” I chimed pleased with my work as I paused the music as it was in the middle of ‘The good, the bad and the dirty. “Now all I have to do is wait until the ceiling dries up so I can do some stenciling….but of what?” I pondered as I started gathering my stuff and tackled task #2: ‘sobering up the drunken artistry office’. I moved the furniture and covered those in tarps and the like before starting to paint the entire place white as I heard voices coming in the house as it got to 12: 30 in the afternoon as I’d apparently spent an entire hour painting my own bedroom. 

“Oh, dearest, we’re home!!” I heard Richard call out as I just rolled my eyes before continuing with my self-appointed task of getting my office fixed. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs as I heard the door open as they looked stunned. “Wow….not even a day and already she’s made this her own home.” Tom mused as I heard it loud and clear. “Whose dumb idea was it to paint the room the first time around? It looked like two artists got drunk and painted it in a weird stupor!” I commented back as I kept painting until it was fully finished. “Ok, now to let that dry up before I do anything else.” I looked at the progress I made with the room and sighed in relief as I noticed Gerard smirking at me. “Is the office the only place you modified the room?” he asked as I gave a sinister grin before I lead them to the bedroom…and proudly pointed at the ceiling as they looked shocked. “There’s nothing there!” Richard complained as they stopped to think about what he said before I started laughing. “Exactly!! If you wanted something to ‘remind me of who I’m living with’, pick something else instead of something that’s going to give my brain stroke!” I snickered before I went to explore the rest of the house. 

3rd person POV: 

“Hmph! Did she really hate the portrait on the ceiling that much?” Gerard grumbled before he folded his arms as Richard snickered at him, he and Tom had been planning this, to get her ‘settled in’ her new home by decorating the room on her own terms. “Even you’ve got to admit, it looked pretty stupid up there.” Richard remarked before Tom had looked around, pleased with the little bits and pieces of stuff for her to change up to her liking. “Yeah….but at least she’s adapting well to her new home!” he added before Gerard grinned wide. “Says the two people who thought painting the office like that was such a good idea!” he guffawed before the two brits glared at him, which didn’t faze him a bit. “Well, she’s never going to deal with the stresses of the city, she’ll have the lovely countryside, fresh air…..” Gerard started musing as Tom was the first to break the blissful atmosphere with a simple question: “Boys? How is she going to marry the three of us? Not sure marriage to three people at the same time would even be possible.” The three of them thought for a moment before Richard had chuckled, rousing up his two compadres. “You two leave that part to me….” The Leicester born man assured the two men as when it concerns him, there’s bound to be a strategic idea that would work perfectly for them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only whose a bit curious as to just what Richard is going to even do about that???


	4. The bells of Trinity Mafia manor and wedding plans(?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew! So sorry for not updating this because of Real life, but here it is!! So our unfortunate heroine is feeling like a moron for not seeing that scheme from the last chapter, and is...kind of learning to take some of the stuff they talk about more seriously! (and Muse has been a lazy and whiny baby....) Oh, and her dear friends are giving her a warning of....well, just how dangerous these guys can be whilst being gorgeous....no pressure, my precious little character!

Chapter 4: The bells of Trinity Mafia manor and wedding plans(?)

So, after all that was said and done, I decided to text my friends, who were relieved to bits that I was alright, about how things were at the house, and what I did in terms of decorating….let’s just say I should have studied more closely at their choice of decorations properly….

Me: They PLANNED THAT!?!? 

Scott: yep, so that you’d have to decorate it to your liking, that’s a big way of settling into a house, everyone knows that!

Cara: yep, pretty much!! 

Oh, holy gods….I feel like such an iiiiiidiot……yes that was an ‘O Holy Night’ melody play pun….I had never felt more stupid in my entire life for that one, I prided myself in being observant, but I never thought ‘hey, didn’t they plan that for the sake of you settling into your house!?!?’ Lordy Louisa May Alcott, I was such a moron. 

Rob: oy…uh how’s your mum going to react to this? O.o 

My eyes widened at that question, how was I going to explain this to my family?!?! They’ll flip more gaskets than a 15 year old car on the verge of dying out permanently!! 

Me: oh, SHIT!! They don’t even know that I’m in…well any kind of relationship relating to DATING!! >.<

Karen: oh, this could be a big problem…

Cara: I hope they don’t think of ‘popping the question’ too early on in this….well, whatever it is she even has with these guys! 

Me: As far as I know, they’re just acquaintances!! I’m not ‘dating’ those guys at all….seriously, who’d want to get mixed in with something as insane as Mafia shit??? 

Scott: no one, if they’re lucky enough….which sadly, you’re not….

Me: eh…good point…

Cara: seriously though, you do NOT want to get on the bad side of those three, why do you guys think that they’re called the ‘Trinity Godfather’ Mafia? And besides, there’s a reason why they’re called Richard ‘Brainy/Crafty’ Armitage, Tom ‘Snake Charmer’ Hiddleston, and Gerard ‘Manpower’ Butler! These guys are seriously not someone you want to piss off for fun…  
Me: how bad are these guys, anyway?

It took a while for Cara to even type up her response to my question as I went to drink my iced tea from my glass before I heard my phone beep with the new text.   
Cara: They once had gotten an entire supply of guns and money by hiding it with ridiculously top secret supplies that no one would be able to detect from any radar or suspect, and there were even rumors circulating around that Tom had gotten this priceless jewelry from some jewel thief by rigging her car to explode at a certain time….or was it by rigging the jewelry box itself to explode at a given time and the ‘jewelry’ she snagged up turned out to be plastic, like you could get it for a tenner at one of the shops, and by the time she figured it out, the jewelry box was already counting down to 0 rather rapidly! Then there was that other thing that happened when apparently something of theirs was stolen, I think it was a package that contained lots of either jewelry or guns or money….what is it with them and jewelry other than a money grab….anyway, apparently Richard knew about it, and had a package full of grenades ready to explode the second it was opened, all the police could find in terms of remains were the partially incinerated faces of their enemies….these guys could make the ones from that movie ‘The Godfather’ wee their pants with how dangerous they get…they can’t be touched whatsoever, unless you want to deal with ‘The Attorney’ Benedict Cumberbatch….this man could make even the most seasoned of attorneys sweat in the trial room….

As I read the text, I had gotten a very clear idea of how dangerous these guys were, and I’m living with them! Oh, help me….

Me: oh, gods help me!! [Cringe emoji] 

Karen: try to relax! If they wanted to do anything that crazy, they’d have done it under your nose! 

Me: Like what? Have me marry them without even knowing about it until it’s too little too late!? 

(A/N: *face palms* I think she just jinxed herself….*notices the Muse grinning sinister*)

Karen: Theresa!! 

Scott: Uh….one problem…can they do a ‘poly-wedding?’ 

Cara: that’s a wee bit complicated, isn’t it??

We kept texting back and forth before I heard the sounds of yet another dinner feast being ready and I texted everyone goodbye before sitting at where I was last night, away from them. I thought for a moment on the whole ‘settling into the house’ scheme….I was such an idiot for not seeing it clearly because I was busy gawking at how horrible the bedroom ceiling and the office looked to even realize that ‘hey this was their plan to get you settled!’ ugh….I had barely gotten my plate ready before I heard whispers about ‘papers’ and ‘cake’…which was kind of weird, but I didn’t pay any mind to that at all. 

(A/N: OH MY GODS, THERESA!!!!!! *bangs my head on the wall as my muse takes pictures*)

I noticed the guys looking at me with….reverence…I’m getting a feeling that I probably better start paying attention to the conversation, huh? I warily ate my creamy chicken spinach pasta as I heard them talking about how many guests to invite, when they thought I wasn’t even listening to the conversation whatsoever. ‘ARE THEY THAT DESPERATE TO MARRY ME!?!’ I thought to myself wondering if getting out would do me good, but that text from Cara derailed that train of thought as a: they’d know that I would be escaping, and b: rig something in the engine to explode in advance so that if I were to get to a certain distance, my car would stop dead in its tracks….and I’m not that great at ‘surviving the outdoors’. ‘Come on, it’s far too early for that, people!! Then again my parents did marry in exactly 9 weeks….ugh, I hate my life sometimes…’ I thought to myself, wondering what the hell to even do at this point, if those guys were preparing to try and marry me, I had better get ready for the onslaught of craziness that’s to be thrown at me. 

I finished my dinner and headed to my newly painted office to continue on my book, hoping to have at least gotten to the halfway point or 1/3 of the way towards it. As I was continuing with writing my novel, I thought of what to put in there for an antagonist, I at first thought of going for the whole ‘professional rivalry gone completely personal’ trope, but then threw that out because it’d probably be a snooze fest, and thought of also ‘My ex-wife/husband is my rival and wants me back badly’ trope. “Jeezoozles this is a tough one to pull off here…” I muttered to myself, wondering which would be suitable for the ‘baddie’ of my story without it turning into a convoluted mess. I decided to just save everything I had for right now and head to bed to sleep off the stress that would ensue from trying to come up with a good antagonist for my story. “Oy….those bastards are…ridiculously good looking, but they can be dirty in their methods to get what they want.” I muttered to myself before getting into my fleece ‘winter jolly roger’ pajamas and getting under the sheets and comforters, trying to sleep from the day’s activities, I really needed to at least survive this craziness….but in terms of cops and mobsters, they typically have cops on a payroll to throw them off from the breadcrumb trail or arrest someone they’ve had issues with before…so not sure that’s the best solution for stuff like this, but Poly-marriages….I can’t really say where they’re even legally done, but I’m pretty sure that the UK doesn’t practice those kinds of marriages unless I missed something. The next morning, I just decided to have something hilariously simple: cereal. I went downstairs to the kitchen and went to find the cereals, hoping to find some regular or chocolate and peanut butter Cheerios to eat from the pantry. As I was looking there, I heard what sounded like a debate over….what food to have. ‘Oh, no, please tell me they’re not seriously considering the whole ‘Poly-wedding’ thing to me!’ I thought to myself in exasperation as I went to the cabinets to see if there were any cereal bowls for me to use and pulled one out as well as a spoon before getting the milk out of the fridge. I poured the cereal in first before the milk as I soaked the cereal a bit and went to the living room, where there was no one there, and started eating the cereal before putting on the news.

(A/N: Muse: you can’t seriously be stopping here!!! Me: well, that’s too dang bad because I don’t know what the hell else to put in there!!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo......what news story COULD be popping up to make our heroine face even more insanity?? Not even I know for sure!


	5. ‘testing out’ the toys and signing contracts!

“Ugh…..can’t say I’m too surprised about that whatsoever.” I said to myself as the news was showing an entertainment and culture bulletin about a woman divorcing her husband after discovering that he’d been cheating on her for the past few years of their marriage, which included children, depending on the circumstances, I feel worse for the kids than adults in divorces. I turned it off, and thought ‘why don’t I go and test out the stuff I’d gotten!’ but then I remembered that I needed to finish with my room and office, faffing dirty trick they pulled off there, first before even testing the stuff out….I will say this, I’d never tested out sex toys for that kind of thing…and fingers…..well, they don’t do much after a while, so I’m kind of nervous about that. So, I went to my room and decided to do a stencil of the Mortal Kombat logo symbol on the ceiling of my bedroom, because why not? And for my office, I thought of black, red and grey bamboo stalks and leaves to give it a more relaxing atmosphere for me to work on my writing. 

As I’d gotten started on my tasks, I thought about how to tell my parents about what was going on without them trying to get the FBI on the horn….yeah. “What do I say to them? ‘Hey, Mom and Dad, I might be getting married to three Mafia Godfathers….sure they’re a bit….’quirky’, but they’re sweet, does that help?’…..holy gods, I’m pathetic sometimes…” I was exasperated about how to even tell my family was going on and I’m already at a bad start to this! I got finished with doing the stencil as I looked in satisfaction before starting on my office walls. “Ok, what about ‘Hi, guys! Funny thing happened to me a few days ago, I’ll tell you guys about it later on!’……ugh, knowing my parents they were going to be immediately suspicious about that…” I grumbled to myself as I finished up the last touches of my paint job before I went to the living room to catch up on some ‘Jeremy Kyle’….if I thought that people on Maury and Jerry Springer back home in the US were insane, the Brits, Scots and Irish on ‘Jeremy Kyle’ made those people look like the damn Roman Catholic saints by comparison!!!! Jeez, these people were insane! So, the boys thankfully were out and about with their mafia stuff, whether it included sneaking illegal shit into the country or ‘offing’ someone….I need to stop watching those kinds of stuff for a long while, huh? I decided to play on my ‘RetroDuo’ NES and SNES console to wait for my stuff to dry up, and I decided to play Family Feud for the SNES on there, it got to the bullseye questions as it had a question about who, famous or fictional, was beheaded. “I’m going with Anne Boleyn since she was a real person and got beheaded by hubby dearest for not giving him a kid, even though he was like ‘She was cheating on me with another man, kill her!’….apparently the game didn’t see it that way. “THAT’S BULLSHIT, GAME!! ANNE BOLEYN GOT BEHEADED FOR NOT GIVING HIM A SON!!” I ranted as I ‘praised’ GameTek’s logic to Family Feud questions and surveys. “Ugh, what do they want me to put on there, Marie Antoinette!?” I grumbled again as it got to a question about what people buy by a quart and I had gotten milk, oil, and other answers…and forgot about mayonnaise. “Ugh!! I suck at this game!” I chuckled to myself as I ultimately lost, having forgotten to put down Japan as another country with a huge population, but with GameTek logic being much skewered. I turned it off and got to the task getting the stuff out of the black bag, but not without locking the bedroom door as I really didn’t want any embarrassing intrusions happening to me. “I’m not taking any chances…” I took deep breaths, to be honest I was deathly nervous almost to the point of tears….

(A/N: Uh….anyone ever have that moment happen before?? Muse: why do you want to know? *glowers at Muse before smacking her in the head*)

 

“Come on, you big baby, it’s just like when you put those tampons in your body….except it’s not a tampon, it’s a sex toy….oh, boy.” I was trying to give myself motivation and to not be scared of something that brings women…and men…pleasure. I had gotten my pants and underwear off before I first had gotten the massaging gloves out of the box and read the instructions on how to work the things. “I’ll be so pissed if this thing requires me to get a robe on to cover myself up and get batteries half-fucking naked!” I grumbled to myself as I looked to see what kind of batteries were needed…and thank Aphrodite there were batteries included with the gloves! I got everything hooked up and first had put my fingers to my neck before turning it on as a test run, and it worked! “Perfect!” I cheered as I laid flat on my back and…well, got to work with testing out the gloves to see if they worked wonders, but it also required an important ingredient: a very sexually stimulating imagination. I took deep breaths before putting on the stereo with a ‘bedroom music’ CD that a friend from back in the states made me as a hilarious Valentine’s Day joke to get myself in the mood. “Ok, how is this supposed to work…?” I asked myself as I got the lube out and looked at the instructions for how to apply it….don’t you dare judge me for that. I applied the lube to my…..ahem, ‘treasure chest’, which had an effect on my arousal a bit as it started getting a bit tingly…was that how lube was supposed to work? I used the stereo remote to turn on my ‘bedroom music’ CD and instantly got the massage gloves on and as a test run, I put it on the lowest setting and…ah….got to work. I gritted my teeth at first, trying to make sure that it doesn’t go too fast or this would be the world’s shortest test run. After a while of doing that, I got the Tokidoki vibrator out, turned it on and slowly got it into my ‘treasure chest’, hoping that nothing happens to where it gets stuck or lost in me. I must have had a pretty wild imagination, because the thing that made me scream more than ever before was all three of those guys taking me on to where….well, I think I soaked my bedsheets from the intense orgasm….unfortunately, as I went to relaxing….I started to think…or I said this out loud by accident: “Oh, please don’t tell me the vibrator got stuck in my ‘treasure chest’!” I was scrambling to get out of the bed, but I fell on the floor like a heavy-ass bowling ball on the floor, considering that my legs were like jelly at this point. “Oh, gods….need to get to the bathroom…..or loo, probably loo is better….”I whimpered out as I ended up looking like some sort of horror demon, dragging my half naked self by my arms to the bathroom/loo to try and see if the vibrator was indeed stuck in there. It pretty much took a volley of jolted pleasure for me to realize….it was indeed stuck inside my treasure chest. I had gotten my wobbly, shaky self on the toilet seat, spreading my legs a bit and acting like it’s a tampon, reaching in my intimate cavity to try and get this out. “If I can’t get this out, I’ll have to go to the hospital…” I told myself as I kept feeling around for the damn thing, making sure I didn’t gouge my ‘treasure chest’ with my fingernails in the process. 

I finally had gotten the thing out after careful maneuvering and decided to wash the thing off in the sink in the bathroom itself, making sure to thoroughly wash my hands off with soap and put hand sanitizer on them and the vibrator! “If they find out that I’ve used this thing to pleasure myself, I’ll be dead from embarrassment.” I muttered to myself as I frantically got it cleaned up before I went back to my room, again, half-naked and went to put my bottoms back on. I….must have forgotten to turn the lock all the way, because I heard the door open, and there were the boys…..talk about semi-bad luck, thankfully, I had gotten my underwear and pants back on. “You alright in there, dear?” Richard asked a bit concerned as they kept hearing the music…and they found my newly cleaned vibrator and my massager gloves were on the nightstand. “Hmm….getting a head start in the race for lovemaking, are you?” Gerard asked as both Richard and Tom grinned at my soaked bedsheets. “Ugh…I really don’t want to hear it.” I covered my face, really embarrassed, but apparently, Richard was having none of that as he moved my hands from my face. “This is nothing to be embarrassed about….testing the limits of your sexual pleasure is perfectly normal.” He gave me quite the smirk, which did pretty weird things to me, considering I did have an intense orgasm. 

(AN: I think this is quite satisfactory! Muse: what!? No hospital visit!? *I bop her hard in the head* me: no, you crazy whack job! Sheesh!)

“Was the bed soaked from…perhaps thoughts of us finally having you?” Tom asked in a really deep, seductive voice….though I think Richard’s was more sexy…don’t tell him that. I felt myself getting wet this time from him asking me…really dirty shit about how I soaked the bed. “Uh….” I knew my face must be burning badly from embarrassment and arousal mixed in. “I think we’ll take that as a yes then!” Gerard answered with a male satisfaction, damn it! They figured it out! I must have looked pretty embarrassed when I had felt Richard’s….soft finger tipped my head up a bit before he kissed me a tiny bit, followed by Tom…and last, but not least, Gerard, now those were amazing first kisses! “You taste a bit like cheese…” Yeah, coming from me, that was a weird response to a kiss, but it got them laughing…..uh, is that a plus?? 

(A/N: Yes, yes it is a plus indeed!! Muse: *grumbles* I still think the hospital thing would have been a better--*gets bopped with a baseball bat by Karma* me: thank you!!)

So, after all that mess, the bed was stripped clean and everything from the comforter to the mattress pad (thank gods that soaked the stuff up GREAT!) was being washed I guess by the….help in the house unless they preferred to do some stuff themselves. 

I got back to doing my book, which I was still stuck on who to even go for as the main antagonist of the book, ultimately deciding to go for a vengeful ex-wife because I was running out of good options for the relationship between the mercenary and rival ultimately. As I kept going, I heard….operatic singing. “Huh? Who’s singing that?” I asked myself as I studied the voice carefully….and it was….Richard. “Whoa….since when can he sing?” I asked myself as I peeked through a doorway and there he was, playing the Cello and singing a bit with the Cello playing. ‘Whoa….’ I thought to myself as I had gotten a text from my publisher saying that I would need to get the chapters emailed for a look-see to find out if anything needed to be worked on in a few days. “Huh…alright then….” I said to myself before I got to my office and continued with working on my book chapters until I emailed them to my publisher with essential captions and attachments on the email itself. As I was doing this, I had gotten to the halfway point before I decided to stop a moment and take a break from the writing….I was wary of the day I’d have to tell my parents about this….well…mess. I yawned, got up and stretched my limbs out to get the stiffness out as I abruptly felt arms wrapping…around…my…chest. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked annoyed as I lowered what looked to be Tom’s arms to below my ‘girls’ as I felt his lips along my neck. “Hmm….just checking on you.” He explained seductively while I was squirming a bit from how ridiculously ticklish I was getting from that attention to my neck. “Oh? Your definition and my definition of ‘checking up on me’ are a bit different…” I reminded him, trying to maintain composure….if this keeps going, it’s going to end up like those ‘Wattpad female characters’ who slowly fall for the guy they were either kidnapped by or sold to or forced upon for various….and nowadays illegal purposes! I pulled away before it got out of control as I could tell he was disappointed, sorry to burst the bubble, dummy, but I’m no flaky lady! 

I went to lie down somewhere, but I heard a tune playing from the distance, I wondered if it was the dryer or washer that was done with my sheets. As I went to check what it was, I noticed a packet of papers with my name on it and a sticky note that said ‘just sign at the highlighted areas, our dearest Mafia Queen!’ “What? ‘Mafia Queen’? You’ve got to be kidding me right now…..” I said to myself in exasperation as I snagged up the packet, moved my sheets and that to the dryer and put it on the ‘bedding’ cycle before I looked over the strange packet of papers. “Do I dare sign this?” I asked myself as I looked over certain areas that indicated that it was from my publishing company and that it looked like a contract renewal for me staying with them to publish my books. 

(AN: me: oh no…. muse: oh, YES!!! *as she gets out the Hershey’s cookies and cream candy and starts to eat them*)

I had debated for a few minutes before I started to sign them, thinking that they would need this along with my book pages as it had been somewhere around contract renewal time and they had mentioned that they would send a contract to see if I would still stay on board, so I thought nothing of it. 

(AN: Me: oh, you @#$@$@#!!!!!! Muse: *thumbs up* you’ll thank me later, author dear!!!)

So, after I signed the contract, I left it on the table before going to check on my bedsheets to see if they were caught on something, which thankfully they weren’t, and I went to sit in the living room, catching up with the rest of the afternoon TV before evening came along. It got to the evening news when I smelled something cooking….but it was strangely familiar. “Is that….no, it can’t be ‘Polfredo’, can it?” I asked myself before I went in to peek inside and lo and behold….’Polfredo’ with cheddar cheese and chicken was being made. ‘How the hell did they know about this dish, I didn’t put ANYTHING on Facebook or Tumblr posts about it!’ I thought to myself as I went back to the living room, wondering if that packet I signed was something I SHOULD have paid much closer attention to as I went to pick it up and try to find the ‘Mafia Trinity Kings’, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. “Of course they poof away when I have something important to ask them!” I sarcastically remarked as I switched it to a Jane Austen drama movie, wondering just what in the faff I signed. 

(AN: Me: ugh….this is seriously not happening! Muse: now, now…it won’t seem that bad in the long run! Me: THEY--Muse: SHH!!!! *covers my mouth* She doesn’t know that yet! Nor does the audience….)

I heard what sounded like those typical fast Ferraris and Lamborghinis pulling into the house before I noticed plates and that being brought to the table. I sat at the end of the table, packet in hand as I waited for them to get back as last I had checked, eating without the other household members around was absolutely rude. I noticed them bringing what looked like a lawyer into the house, and I got scared of what the heck that meant as they went inside, saw me with the packet and I noticed Richard give the other two a smirk and a wink before I got kissed on my cheeks….holy hell did that feel like my first kiss ever. We were eating dinner as I looked at them and the packet again, wondering if I should ask or not what the hell I even signed. “Ah, you signed the papers!” I notice the lawyer, who I learned was named Benedict…probably would call him ‘Ben’ just to make it easier on us. He got the packet and looked over the signatures, making sure I hadn’t missed anything as I was now busy with eating my food to pay attention to the sounds of something peeling off the paper. I looked up to see four grinning faces as I was wondering if I had sauce on my face, but at the same time, I was wary about what the packet was all about as I noticed three jewelry boxes being brought to me. “Oh no….what the hell did I sign, exactly?” I asked before I got them closer to me, and when I opened them….they were engagement rings with my birthstone, the Amethyst and what looked to be their birthstones, and it clicked to me quickly. “Congratulations, fiancée of ours….” Tom raised his flute glass of champagne first before Richard, Gerard and the others followed suit as I realized just what the fuck I even signed: a MARRIAGE LICENSE!!! “f-f-f-f-f-f—” I was too shocked to say anything before I…well….tried to get up from a chair, but I might as well have looked like a newborn foal or calf trying to walk the first time because as soon as I got up….I fell down in a humiliating fashion on the floor. 

(AN: Muse: WHEE!!!! Time to plan the wedding! Oh!! What about a ‘Godfather’ themed poly-wedding!? Me: WE’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE GODFATHER MOVIES!!!! Muse: *pouts* crap…that’s right…)

I woke up on a sofa with what looked like papers blowing air in my face as if it was a fan as I was moving to sit up, but Gerard had put his hand on my shoulder as if to say ‘no! You have to take it easy!’ “You guys are DICKS….” I scowled, not happy with being tricked in this way to sign marriage certificates….even though it was my own stupid gullible fault for that. “Very harsh thing to say to your husbands, eh?” Tom asked with a smirk before I snagged up an orange from a fruit bowl and threw it hard at his forehead as he closed his eyes a bit before looking at me with a slight distaste. “Come on, don’t be like that….” Richard made a move to kiss me as I moved my head back into the pillows. “Excuse me, but you guys tricked me into signing a marriage certificate, and you think I’m going to SMOOCH you guys for basically signing myself over to you guys without my knowing about it!?” I asked incredulously, yeah, I was really pissed that they did that to me, but again, I never paid any close attention to what it really said as I thought it was a publishing renewal contract….gods above, I was stupid. I noticed Richard raising an eyebrow a bit as I was really afraid of what was turning from those wheels in that head of his. “Oh? Because last I remember…..someone had an intense orgasm from just thinking about the things we’re going to one day do to you…” he said with that deep rich voice that was doing more stuff to my body than those sex toys did…damn you, body! “That was before you guys pulled this trickery!” I sniped back before I found myself over Richard’s shoulder as I yelled a bit. “Hey, put me down!!!” I demanded as Richard just pat my butt before we all were upstairs, but instead of heading to my room, I found myself in what looked like an enormous master bedroom, and I had been put on my back on the bed as I noticed the blinds along the windows lowering to the floor and the curtains covering said windows and blinds, oh, what were they going to do now? 

I heard ‘To have and to hold’ by Depeche Mode playing suddenly as I had snorted-cough-laughed out loud in shock as I wondered ‘why the hell did they put THIS on?!’ I noticed the lights dimmed down to where it was dark, but I could still see pretty well…even if my eyes were terrible with me being partially blind to where I need glasses. I just laid there, wondering what was even going on as I noticed the three of them standing at the front of the bed before….they started getting their clothes off as I…well, I wanted to laugh, not only because it was hilarious, but it was absurd that it was happening to someone like me who doesn’t have this kind of thing happening, but there was one question: how was a poly-wedding supposed to even work? They started off with their tops, slowly and teasingly getting their shirts off before they dropped them on the floor, their shoes had already been off, but I noticed them slowly getting their belts off before they too were on the floor as I was shaking with laughter before they started to get their pants off, showing off what looked like…boxers? Or were they boxer briefs? What had once been laughter now turned into arousal. ‘Oh my gods…I wonder what they look like when they’re naked?’ I wondered….unfortunately, I must have said it out loud before they grinned and took their underwear off…..and GOOD GODS ALMIGHTY WERE THEY BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT…..I felt my eyes widen as I had let out another shocked laugh before they all grinned at me, taking in the look on my face. “Ok….remind me to throw out my vibrator….” I said out loud, no longer caring that they laughed hard at that as I noticed Richard and Tom looking at me smugly. “You like what you see?” Richard asked with a wink as I….well, didn’t know what to do at that point. “Uhhhmm…..” I felt my face burning at that, but I didn’t want to rush into this at lightning speed and then be extremely disappointed later, call me completely insane. “I do…but I don’t want to rush into something that’s going to disappoint me in the long-run like marriage…sure, there’s good aspects of it….however, I’ve only seen the ‘side effects’ of marriage more than the good and I wonder all the time ‘do I want to get married to expect happiness and romance, but end up being disappointed in the process because of constant arguments and the like?’ it sounds dumb to a lot of people, but it’s the truth to me….marriage isn’t something for me to enter lightly and naively without a sense of knowing the bad aspects as well as the good aspects of marriage.” I explained, wondering if that had been the dumbest thing that I ever said, but I felt three weights on the bed as I noticed that the three of them were sitting on the bed….looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing they’d ever seen in their lives…..holy gods, I want to cry so bad.

(AN: Muse: @_@ OH, THAT’S SO TOUCHING!!! Me: huh…I just made my muse cry tears…*as I see my muse gorging on chocolates, ice cream and watching ‘Pride and Prejudice’ on Hulu while crying from the feels* uhm….be right back!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my muse got too emotional...sorry about that...and I'm SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK HILARIOUSLY LONG TO UPDATE!!!


	6. Chapter 6: ‘christening the bed’, family visits and planning a Venetian carnival Masque-themed poly-wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now...there IS definitely going to be some 'bedroom activities' I mean, I DID warn you in the tags and the chapter title, did I not? Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter all the same!!

I gulped, not sure how to…well, keep myself sane while three gorgeous, naked as newborn babies men, who wanted me, were sitting on the bed, looking at me like I was an oasis in a hot as literal fuck desert. “Uh….” Holy gods, I sounded pathetic…I remembered when I nearly….’punched the v-card’ the first time….that was disastrous as I had freaked out….the guy did stop, but it was still so fucking embarrassing…..I felt myself being pulled in a hug, first by Tom, then Richard and finally Gerard…being hugged by naked men….well, if that’s not the weirdest yet sweetest damn thing on the planet, I don’t know what it was. I felt my heart racing like mad as I finally told my brain to shut the hell up for once and let me have this faffing moment as for some…weird reason, I started shedding tears. “Oh, seriously?” I muttered annoyed before I wiped my eyes. I had barely gotten myself calm from the abrupt when I felt Richard’s lips on mine….as he tasted like wine and….macaroni and cheese?? I pulled away a bit with a raised eyebrow as he was shaking with laughter. “Mac and cheese?” I asked before he laughed and nodded before kissing me again, which felt lovely! I felt my t-shirt being lifted up before I allowed Tom to get it off as I felt my neck being kissed down to my shoulder while I felt Gerard pulling my pants down before I laid back on the bed as ‘Pimpf’ by Depeche Mode started playing, the kisses never ceasing as I was in my bra and panties before I looked and noticed they were becoming hard and erect. “Oh, my…” I squeaked out, knowing where this was going to be going, so I wrapped my arms backwards along the pillow behind me as my chest was being covered in kisses before I noticed Tom kissing along my boobs before Richard got my bra off and threw it across the room before both of them went at my nipples and areola, their mouths attacking them with scrapes of their teeth, lips and tongue before the nipping went to sucking. I moaned lowly, arching my back to where they went even harder before I felt Gerard grab my panties and yank them so hard they tore off before he threw the remains across the room as I gawked. “Really?! Tearing my underwear off!?” I asked incredulously, which sounded more like a mewling whimper as the Scotsman spread my legs open before kissing up my inner thighs, squeaking loudly as my inner thighs were nipped before he went at my wet core, sending me into a maelstrom of lust and sensations as I felt my hips being held down while he went harder, scraping his teeth along my folds and sucking and scraping a bit of his teeth on my throbbing ‘pleasure button’, sending me into a very intense orgasm as it didn’t stop for another few minutes, but it REALLY got cranked high when he moved on to using his fingers on my ‘treasure chest’. I moaned and screamed from the sensations as they stopped, and I noticed that they couldn’t wait any longer to have me. 

“I’m seriously in for it, huh?” I groaned out…breathless and my voice hoarse from yelling and moaning their names so much from the oral sex…of course Richard wanted to go first, so I nodded my consent before I felt his weight on top of me, my breasts mashed against his chest as he wrapped my legs around his waist, whilst I was kissing along the side of his face, including the side of his very lovely nose before getting to his forehead and brow, moving to his cheek and making sure that I really got to his ear as I heard him moan from my attentions as I also moved my hands down his back before groping his ass, which I had to say looked and felt better than mine! He purred from the attention approvingly before he kissed along my face similar to what I did with his face before he had my lower lip in his teeth, sucking on it, while I moaned from the attention. 

(AN: Muse: OOH, LA LA!!! Me likey!! Me: oh my gods, Muse….*as she eats her popcorn fast*)

I felt his erection along my folds and he looked at me for consent before I nodded and he kissed me again with passion before I felt him slowly move himself inside me as I held back whimpers from the stinging pain of the first penetration before he peppered kisses along my face as I noticed Gerard and Tom stroking themselves, and holy mother of Hera it was hot….Richard held himself back, trying to help me adjust to his erection being inside me before I felt him reach between where we were connected and rub my still sensitive button as he was now buried to the hilt while I had gotten adjusted before I kissed along his chin, jawline and neck, licking and kissing his Adam’s apple before he started a slow rhythm to help me with getting used to the sex…that I was going to have with three guys, oh, help me, this was going to be insane. Richard gradually got faster and faster with his thrusting until it was like he was pistoning in and out of me, whilst I was a screaming, moaning and sobbing mess from screaming his name so much that we had ended up coming simultaneously before he collapsed on me after maybe up to 10 minutes of this. “Whoa….that….was wild…” I panted out before he softened enough to pull out of me, kissing me as he grinned at Tom before the snake charmer himself slithered up my body, kissing from my legs to my boobs, then my face before he had my legs over his shoulders before he thrust into me and the sexual maelstrom began all over again, with me screaming his name as I came hard, probably soaking him a bit and I’m VERY sure that it got on the bed before he came hard, flooding me in torrents before he had collapsed, but holding his weight on his hands before he kissed my nose and lips before Gerard went last, this time, the thrusting was slow, yet passionate as it was again, getting faster and faster with him not holding himself back, was I enjoying this? Yes, I actually was! Though I’m probably going to be ridiculously wobbly trying to walk to the bathroom to clean myself off after all of this was over.

The sex session was over as I had felt like I was a floppy pancake before I looked down at my crotch and moved a bit as I noticed that there was a ‘healthy’ sized amount of blood from a first penetration, but it got mingled with the source of the other men’s orgasms, but it was so wet, it was like it got plucked out from a lake, causing me to blush hard. “Oops….sorry I got your sheets messy…” I shyly told them before they looked down and I could tell they were being smug about the whole thing, typical of men at that moment of after-sex. “Actually, think of this as evidence of how much we enjoyed making you come…wife of ours.” Tom winked before I looked at them with a raised eyebrow and a ‘what?’ look on my face. “Wife? I’m not even actually married to you guys, doesn’t the legal ceremony need to be performed first before anything and….are poly-weddings actually legal in England…or the UK in general??” I asked, my voice still a bit hoarse from the screaming as I started to try and get up to get a drink to soothe my throat. I felt hands picking me up before I was put in their bathroom, which looked really nice, complete with a big bathtub in there, all filled and ready for me to soak in before I was lowered in the tub itself. “You leave that part to us, dear.” Gerard assured me before I was kissed on the temple and forehead before they went to I guess clean the mess up from the sex earlier. I had started to think about what the ever living hell just happened: I was tricked into signing a marriage license…and I ended up having sex with them, all THREE OF THEM. “Oh my gods, I feel pathetic…if my family finds out about this, they’re going to flip a billion gaskets.” I groaned to myself as I continued soaking in the tub. I eventually got out of the tub, drained it and dried myself off and felt around for clothes, but I remembered that there weren’t any brought with me to their room, so I put on a robe and walked back to my room to get some clothes on. As I walked down the hallway, walking slowly for the most part, I overheard them talking about how great it was that I was going to be married to them, and even heard something about….having…children with me. ‘We didn’t even use a condom!!’ I momentarily thought panicked before I got myself calm and continued walking to my room before I heard Gerard ask ‘going somewhere, sweetie?’ before turning around. “I was going to get some pajamas and underwear to put on me since I’m not a fan of walking around naked with a robe on.” I explained myself before I noticed him looking me over like I was lunch. “The thought of you walking without a robe on is a very stimulating thought.” He purred, wiggling his eyebrows as I blushed before raising an eyebrow. “Perv.” I taunted before getting to my room, with clean sheets on my bed, and picking out some winter jolly roger pajamas before heading to the living room to watch some TV before going to bed, I don’t know how AFTER the sex I was still awake, but the stinging was prominent, but not as bad as after the whole sex session was done. “Ooh…they weren’t kidding at all when they said the first time would be painful, but no one ever talked about a foursome for the first time…” I grumbled to myself as when I was trying to move my leg, it instantly hurt because of pulled and aching muscles. “Oh! Ohh…ow….that’s definitely going to sting a while….” I muttered before trying to find something to watch, but couldn’t find anything worth watching as I decided to just trudge over to bed and try to sleep, but before I could even get up from the couch, I noticed the three of them coming to the living room, and I noticed the blinds closing. “Oh, no….guys, I’m hurting from the first time!” I reminded them as they started piling next to me. I felt my legs being massaged, which was a bit strange for me as I then hands on my head, massaging and rubbing along my scalp…as I probably felt like a bobble-head doll being moved around for some weird reason. “I think our Queen needs a bit of pampering, boys…” Richard purred out as my head was still being moved around. “Really? Because I feel like a bobble head doll right now….” I snarked out, feeling like Jell-O from the sex I had received…from all three men. 

I don’t know how it happened, but I woke up the next morning to midafternoon in their bed, I probably fell asleep during the ‘pampering’ as they called it before, thankfully, the aches and wobbliness had subsided and I was now ready to face the morning or afternoon, but first I needed to get dressed. I got up and looked through my drawers to see what I would be able to wear for the day, as I picked out a pair of baggy sweatpants with a Deadpool Unicorn T-Shirt that said ‘Maximum Effort’ with an aurora borealis or night sky in the background with a rainbow and tacos and chimichangas before I went downstairs to find something to munch on, and I decided on last night’s dinner as I hadn’t eaten all of it due to last night.

(AN: Muse: You’re going to need it for later on, dear!! So eat up so that you can get your strength for later on, you never know how insatiable they may get with the woman of their dreams! ;) Me: ugh….I swear you’re beyond depraved sometimes….)

So I snagged myself a bowl with a bit more than what one is normally supposed to eat because considering that it was literally last night that I had sex with three men, I need my strength up….though, it’s a lot more exciting and fun than heading to the gym amongst other sweaty people, obnoxious ‘hipster’ music playing in the place, though there’s the occasional good song, watching the many TVs that were there with the captions on, and pretty much soaking the gym equipment in sanitizer before wiping it off with an unwashed microfiber cloth, at least their showers were free to use, I think. I put the bowl of pasta in the microwave for a minute and thirty seconds before I went to put something on the TV for me to watch while I was still occupied. I was watching a rerun of ‘Midsomer Murders’ before I noticed a commercial for a sex toy, adult DVD and lingerie website coming on, and I spat out the drink that was in my mouth before going to change the channel temporarily. “Oh, for faff sakes! A bit too soon, don’t you think!?” I asked myself, annoyed and flustered before I changed back to the channel it had been on as a drink commercial came on and I started eating my pasta, wondering how to explain this to the family back home and even how the ‘poly-wedding’ was going to even be DONE. I had gotten a text from my mom…saying that she was going to at some point…visit me….oh, SHIT. Wait a sec…she’s not a flyer at all, hasn’t been for years!! Every time my mother flew, she’d get headaches…though it could definitely be from the cabin pressure. 

Me (Text): eh…Mom, you haven’t been a flyer for years, what’s going on? 

Mom: well, your father and I are going to be visiting a bit, of course your brother and his family can’t make it…and your sister…I’m not too sure…but the rest of the family is coming! 

‘Thank gods. I won’t have to deal with a whiny little drama queen at a wedding and reception as well as inattentive parents…if I can tell them what’s going on without gaskets flying everywhere!’ I thought to myself before I kept texting her, wondering who even paid for the flight to begin with?! As I had gotten the time for when they were supposed to be landing, I got frantic about meeting up with them at the airport at Heathrow before the plane landed as I went and switched my sweatpants with jeans and put on a pair of socks. I finished the rest of my bowl of pasta and put it in the sink for it to be washed later on as I got my shoes on, snagged up the car keys and went for the airport in question. As I was driving, I got stuck in the infamous UK traffic, whoop-dee fucking-doodle-doo! “Come on, get moving! This isn’t the royal wedding anymore, get moving!!” I yelled impatiently as I was trying to calm myself down, but considering all that happened to me, remaining calm was next to impossible. “Come on, fucking breathe for god’s sakes!” I reminded myself as I was breathing and the cause of the traffic was finally moved away, which apparently was an RV that had stalled in the middle of the road….oh, what a horrible place to break down, eh? I could hear the sounds of ‘you bloody, bloody idiot!! You told me you had the petrol tank filled days ago, you bastard!’ from what sounds like a furious wife as I just kept driving through the roads, going along the different intersections and highways before I finally reached the airport and went to the seating area to wait for my mother and…well, the rest of my family, minus my brother and sister’s families. I pulled out my phone and decided to play ‘Plague Inc.’ on it to pass the time, but when I tried to do that vampire disease, it was not in my favor and I decided to watch some YouTube videos to pass the time until the plane would be able to land at Heathrow. A few moments passed and I was watching a ‘Golf with Friends’ video that Jacksepticeye and Markiplier did with two other YouTubers, Wade and Bob….I must not have been paying attention because I felt someone tap my shoulder to where I jumped and nearly threw my phone at the person before realizing that it was Richard, Tom and Gerard….uh oh. “Please do not scare me like that!” I huffed out, trying to get my heart to relax as I noticed my mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandpa, grandaunt and 2nd cousin walking along the airport. “Oh, must be your relatives, my dear!” Gerard was….strangely enthusiastic about meeting my family….oh, fuck, I wondered how they’d react to when the….eh….cat would claw its way out of the bag.

My parents, grandfather and company had gotten through security with no problems…for the most part, and I…well, wasn’t exactly sure how they’d handle seeing my ‘fiancés’. Tom greeted my parents, Richard gave my grandpa a good handshake and I noticed my mother…was strangely…perky. They got their things and I rode behind the limo where my family was sitting pretty in and we got back to the house, with us going different routes back to the ‘house’…more like a ridiculously big mansion, but I digress. I’m not exactly sure who mentioned that I was marrying all four of them, but I heard my parents go ‘WHAT!?’ as I shut my eyes hard while we were in the living room. “Is that even legal?” my mother asked as even I wondered that part myself, but apparently their attorney would ‘take care of the legal stuff’, as they put it before. “You worry not about that…I do see where she gets the beauty from!” Tom complimented my mother as I was just sitting there, embarrassed. “Can you please stop doing that!?” I asked annoyed as my mother laughed a bit before saying thank you and mentioning that I got a majority of the stuff from my dad, including the love of video games, but to a certain extent. As soon as the topic of ‘whether I’m getting married or not had come up, it was Gerard who…proudly declared that ‘She would be wed to the three of us very happily!’ as my whole family had been DEAD SILENT, I thought I was seriously going to be disowned by them for a ‘poly-marriage’….until I noticed how my grandaunt Molly had broken the tension by saying ‘well, congratulations, as long as you’re happy!’ I thought I stepped into the Twilight Zone at the moment as soon, my other family members were like ‘congratulations!’ and they immediately started going over the wedding plans…holy crap, things were looking up for me…and I’m not sure how much I can even process this! 

An hour or so passed before I found myself on the bed as my family had gone off to their respective hotels, most likely a bunch of suites, but whatever. “You thought that they weren’t going to react well, dearest?” Richard asked with a smug grin as he kissed me. “Well, how would you feel if you found out your kid is going to marry 3 or even MORE THAN THAT at once?” I asked as they simply chuckled before I felt kisses along my stomach, their tongues licking around my belly button as I was slowly relaxing to their ‘sugar kissing’. The next day had been consistent of wedding rings and what kind of theme it was going to be…and I had wondered how a ‘Venetian Carnival’ themed wedding would be…I must have said it out loud because they thought it was a fantastic idea and went with it, I hated being the accidental muse sometimes.


	7. Poly-wedding planning, trying on Carnival masks and angry mobster Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...they're displaying what happens when you mess with their 'Queen' (why would you even do that?), and at the end, well, the beginning of just how much they desire her! And yeah, you're going to need a wheelchair after this, sweet pea! Oh! and reminder: this will contain torture and offscreen character deaths, as well as some blood!

So, the wedding planning was going well the past few days until I knew that my family would need to be back in the US, I wondered how my ‘fiancés’ were doing as I was listening to ‘Take it all away’ by Red on Spotify’s free web player before I decided to walk towards Tom, Richard and Gerard, wondering where they were as I started to hear yelling and screaming as I pretty much went to what looked like a security camera room….and watched them ‘interrogating’ what looked like a scrawny guy with blood coming out of his nose and some of his teeth missing or chipped from obvious beatings. I was AFRAID to wonder what they were doing that to him for, but curiosity SERIOUSLY peaked. As I was watching them, it became clear that it was regarding that car that was apparently for me…but I had a BAD FEELING that it was more than even that. “You got your YANKEE BITCH, what more do you want----AHHH!!!!! FUCKING SHITE!!” The scrawny guy yelled before being shot in the foot with a gun that Tom ‘accidentally’ had fired. “Oh, dear, it seems your foot has a hole in it, does it hurt?” Tom asked ‘genuinely concerned’ for the guy that he was helping brutally torture. “You’re FUCKING INSANE, YOU KNOW THAT!?” The guy asked as Gerard approached and grabbed the guy by the throat. “Love makes people do mad things…yes, you had gotten us our future Mafia Trinity Queen….but how it was done STILL ANGERS ME…” Gerard reminded him as the guy was shaking. “So what if I got the bloke drunk at that football game, I didn’t TELL HIM TO WHIZZ in the petrol tank!!” I could tell the guy’s voice was getting hoarse from the yelling. “While technically you didn’t…it still left us with a rather messy repair, Damien….even when we got our future Queen in the end. But….the INSULTS you’re throwing so far are drawing you closer and closer to death…” Richard coolly reminded Damien as the guy was called as I looked at the camera for the other room to their left and saw what looked like a HUGE water tank full of scorpions, another room which contained lots of deadly AND LIKELY VENOMOUS snakes, and another room with a barrage of nasty looking medieval torture weapons and guns. “What the HELL are they going to do to the poor guy!? And…they were stalking me the entire time before the warehouse craziness!? Yeah, that’s not alarming in the slightest whatsoever!” I was trying to use sarcasm to calm the swirling emotions of PURE TERROR, while I wasn’t surprised that they were torturing the guy for a faff up, their methods of…well, killing was unsettling to say the least. 

“We know that she’s got no boyfriends wanting her back…well, if there were, then they’re not getting her back anytime soon. But….there comes a time when a King…..must not only have his Queen….he must do whatever it takes to keep her with him….even defend her from those who seek to take her from her King….” Richard started, putting his hands on the guy’s shoulders and squeezing hard to the point of almost breaking Damien’s collarbone as the guy shrieked from pain, trying to get him off him. “What are you talking about!? All of those Mafiosos and their bosses, associates and the like who dare challenge you are all dead!” Damien squealed and almost cried, trying to fight Richard’s tightening, vice-like grip. “Yes, that part is very much true….however, there’s a matter of a certain someone who says he’ll pay triple or even more to have our future Queen for himself….you remember him, right?” Richard asked as he got his fingers on a part of his spine at the top where the head was connected as Damien was shaking again. “Wait, the guy was joking, I swear!!” Damien was trying to save himself, but none of my Fiancés’ were having that horseshit as Richard had finally broken the guy’s collarbone on both sides. “Oh, my god….” I was getting nauseated by what I was seeing, these MEN, these horrifyingly dangerous men were wanting to be my HUSBANDS….were TORTURING A GUY OVER ME! “I’ve even gotten the laddie’s name, how convenient is that, eh?” as I made the camera zoom in closely with the picture that Gerard was showing the guy, and….he did look admittedly cute…but he was nothing compared to Tom, Richard and Gerard, do not tell them I thought that or I’m not hearing the end of it, please. 

Third person POV: 

“Find him and bring him here….I think it’s time we showed that pipsqueak and his buddies who Theresa REALLY belongs to, NOW!” Gerard started barking more orders as I noticed the guards, soldiers and associates hunting down the guy who also wanted Theresa for his own….by the looks of things, this guy was majorly dead, he wouldn’t get very far as a majority of associates were at their beck and call all around the world. The men prepped themselves for getting ready to mercilessly torture then KILL the one who made a very clear indication that he would be having THEIR FUTURE WIFE for himself….oh, how stupid the person in question really is. Theresa practically ran out of the door, down the halls and towards the nearest bathroom so that she could shower, and try not to panic over what she had seen, yeah, she had watched scary movies like Sleepy Hollow, but THOSE couldn’t compare to the real thing. She had gotten fresh clothes from the drawers before heading to the bathroom, stripping naked, turning the faucets to the right temperature before pulling on the shower knob and getting inside, hoping to at least wash away her worries before it got worse. She washed her hair with her dandruff shampoo and washed with a berry body wash with beads added to it before she got out of the shower and dried her hair and body with soft towels. 

As this went on, the person in question brought back to be tortured even worse was captured, along with whatever was left of his lackeys and very ironically enough his fiancé, and brought to the estate with black bags covering their heads. They’d been dragged to chairs and tied to the arms and legs before the bags were ripped off their heads, and they looked around in surprise before noticing the three Mafia Kings lounging about in the room. “We hope that the ride wasn’t too rough.” Richard asked with a ‘sickly sweet’ tone as their ‘rival’, Jasper Hannicoff was tied up to the chair. “What are you doing?! Unite me at once!” Jasper demanded as Tom only smiled a bit slimier at him. “Only if you tell us why you thought we’d lend you our future bride….when you YOURSELF have a fiancée…” Tom circled Jasper as his fiancé, Delia was….well, enraged would be putting it milder. “YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE!! Dumping me aside for some yank BITCH?!” Delia asked in anger as it only earned her a backhanded smack from one of the guards before Gerard grabbed her by the jaw, forcing her to see the face of an angry and pissed off his rocker Gerard who wouldn’t even be bashful to put women in their place. “You’d better watch your mouth….pity your fiancé wanted to have married you to get more money in his bank than he ever imagined possible…and get your estate as well should you be….dead under ‘mysterious circumstances’….boy did you make an ill-advised decision….” She only stared at him, turning snow white before glaring at Jasper and cussing him out even more for why he ACTUALLY had married her.

“You could do better than someone like HER….I’ve even been told I’m incredible in bed!” Jasper bragged, hoping to be freed himself….only it incited laughter amongst the three before they stopped and Tom looked at him with a sickening smile. “One problem with that….” He got inches away from Jasper’s face as Tom held a custom-made gun to his throat, “The three of us already did the deed….and we have been told that we’re….quite ‘big’, if you ‘get my drift’….” Jasper had gripped the chair as he realized what exactly he said: they’d already had sex with Theresa, and she thought THEY were more satisfying than HIM! “And…well, she said that I’d tasted like macaroni cheese…one of her many favorites….we’re going to marry her….we’re going to shower her with so much affection, love and support that she’ll feel like she’s floating on cloud #9 24/7, and we’re going to even make sure that she knows that her Kings will always protect and cherish their Queen….” Richard vowed with dark, serious and borderline dangerous conviction as Jasper was shaking, now realizing that he was dealing with three DANGEROUS and unpredictable men, three vicious mafia dons….three protective to the BONES warrior KINGS*….

(A/N: cookies for anyone who gets the ‘*’ at the end of that sentence!!)

“So….what do you think should be done about these pieces of rotten, deceitful filth?” Tom asked as Delia was now realizing she was also going to be dying alongside Jasper. “Hold on, what about me!?” Delia asked, wondering whether she’d be spared or not. “You, Ms. Delia….you’re going to be dying alongside your fiancé….” As soon as Tom said that, Delia paled, “WHAT?!!? Why me?! I didn’t do anything wrong!!!” she shrieked, crying as the cakey makeup was coming down her face with the tears. “Seems your DEAR mummy and DADDY had neglected to mention how a majority of HIS money….came at our expense….” Gerard added as Delia started to panic, realizing that she was screwed EITHER WAY! “Put Jasper and Delia….in the scorpion tank, take their buddies to the shooting range and kill them there.” Richard gave the orders as Delia and Jasper were dragged, kicking and screaming to the scorpion death room. “Love makes people do MAD THINGS……” Richard shouted tauntingly at the unfortunate couple as Delia screamed/cried before the doors were finally shut and muffled noises before gunshots were heard last before silence ensued. 

Theresa POV: 

HOLY CRAP!!! Yeah, after seeing that display of…well, protecting their ‘Queen’….aka me for some reason….in a way, I felt both scared, terrified to bits and pieces, as well as scared SHITLESS about their anger, in another aspect I was…dare I say flattered and loved to some extent? Yeah, my sensible self is like ‘da HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?’, but it’s like ‘If they can go to THAT grand of lengths to show that they’re protecting me…then I’m in a way glad I went with them!’ I saw the rest of it after I showered, curiosity just bashing at me to see the rest of the show…and of course the moron who wanted to buy me had a fiancée…..bummer she was being used as an indirect donor of BOTH money and estate, though it was money that came from my fiancés! It’s like ‘yeah, it’s awful that they’re doing this crap to people, but they’re MOBSTER DONS OF DONS…..they’re not going to strike unless they’re provoked or something!’ and boy did Jasper PROVOKE them! I left the place to watch some boring TV to take my mind off what I had been seeing for the moment, but as soon as I got outside the door, I got hauled over someone’s shoulder. “Hey, you better put me down right now!!” I shrieked, pounding the person’s back, but I stopped when I looked and realized that it was just Gerry. “Sorry….I thought you were some stranger…” I might as well have been red as a tomato from how embarrassed I was before I hear him laughing in amusement. “You’re a feisty lass, which we like gloriously!” he was robust and genuine in that statement…..oh, gods, do I have Stockholm syndrome or are the years of me…..well, starved of a romantic relationship blasting full force on me!?   
“You saw us take of that man who wanted you for himself, didn’t you?” Tom asked with a raised eyebrow. “Ok, I saw the WHOLE thing….I’m not sure whether to be even terrified of you guys or flattered to where I’d think I’m suffering from Stockholm syndrome….” I asked myself that question this time out loud as I was moved to where I was facing Gerard. “How are you able to do that without DROPPING ME?! I’m not exactly a small person!” I ended up getting a triple dose of passion via kisses as an answer to that question. “That would be due to how long I tend to spend a bit of time in the fitness area…” he winked as I was even redder, damn it….

We got back to the living room as I noticed a bunch of Carnival masks sitting on the coffee table, and before I would stupidly ask what the masks were for, I remembered that they were for the ‘poly-wedding’ that would happen with the four of us….which I’m not sure is even legal. I ended up selecting the white mask with some gold and cream colored harlequin patterns on there as my ‘bridal mask’ because some of the other ones looked gaudy…or even ghastly for my liking! “Very nice choice, my dear.” Richard complimented with that really nice and soft and deep voice of his as he gave that smile that had I been one of those ‘school girls’, my knees would be knocking faster together than bells at a Christmas concert! “Uh….thanks???” Yeah….I seriously needed work on how to react better to ‘love/romantic’ stuff, I never had a boyfriend from all those times I had school….middle school doesn’t count because thirteen year olds tended to be stupid when it comes to relationships, accompanied by raging hormones! 

I later on got back to doing my chapter in my office, getting a ways passed the halfway point before I noticed hands clutching the arms of my desk chair….before I felt myself being whirled around and facing Tom as my shirt was torn enough to there my boobs were as I saw sheer desire and lust in their eyes. “Do I really get you guys that…well, wild?” I asked….I wondered if it was like those kindle books I kept seeing about through Facebook ads and that, except for me it was the real thing! “What do you think, you delicious thing?” Gerry asked with that purr/growl….I had a bad feeling that I would probably need a wheelchair after all this mess was over!

**Author's Note:**

> * In terms of the whole 'Diesel Chemistry lesson' thing, I did remember seeing the first episode of 'Vexed' on Netflix with Toby Stephens and Lucy Punch where Diesel fuel was involved, but I needed to consult Google to make sure it was actually true and not something that was made up!


End file.
